Wednesday, 6 January 2010


I got generally paranoid
When they did my adenoids,
‘Cause I couldn’t tell my voice from another.
So I tried hard to reverse
This procedural curse,
But was told by my friends not to bother.

As I no longer sounded
Like a dog being impounded,
And small children and old folks weren’t afraid.
And my colleagues at work
Had no need of Dunkirk
Or ear muffs in the hope of being saved.

And my hopeless love life
Turned around in a night,
As I woke up with two nubile women;
They’d heard my recital,
And quickly decided,
To invite me back home to go swimming.

And so subsequently
All my fortunes increased,
And my voice was discussed in high places;
The offers rolled in,
For advertisements,
And my vision was blurred by the faces.

I eventually settled
For a maker of kettles,
And proceeded to speak through the spout,
Until fortune and grace
Descended at pace,
And by talking I never went without.

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